Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
