I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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