Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
