I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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