the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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