you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize