You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
