Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
