the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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