I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
