I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i dont even know how to be here
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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