Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Porn is love you can see.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
