goodnight i made you a song goodbye
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
