i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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