it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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