And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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