Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
