I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
