The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
