can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
