Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
