I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
