Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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