between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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