dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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