had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
