Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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