So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
