the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
