anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
