about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
