he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
