that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
