Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize