when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
