Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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