Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
