I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
