All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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