dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
