Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
