Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
