I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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