i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
