who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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