I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
