She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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