If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
