Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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