i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
