That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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