he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
