y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
