Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
