so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
