My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
