a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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