bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
