I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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