i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
