Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
