wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
