so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
