Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
